Confessions of a Virtualization-aholic - #3

The Veeam party is in full swing and the place is packed like sardines. I try to make my way to the bar to order a drink, but I’m not having much luck and I start to get frustrated. But I diligently push forward, bobbing and weaving through the crowd, determined to wet my palate with the authentic Russian vodka rumored to be on hand, courtesy of Veeam President Ratmir Timashev.

En route, I hear the ranting of a madman … “Hyper-V! Hyper-V! Hyper-V!” The voice sounds oddly familiar. It reminds me of a viral video I once saw of a raving mad Steve Ballmer. But Steve wouldn’t be here. Would he? The chanting gets louder … “Hyper-V! Hyper-V! Hyper-V!” Okay, now I’m really curious, I’ve got to see what’s going on. So I make a slight detour on my way to the bar, seeking out the source of the commotion. I break through a large group huddled around a man carrying on like a buffoon, covered in sweat and screaming “Hyper-V! Hyper-V! Hyper-V!” Holy crap! It really is Steve Ballmer! Everyone watching, myself included, has a deer-in-the-headlights look, clearly not sure what to make of the whole thing. But I see one guy with somewhat of a different look on his face. He is starry eyed and mesmerized. He’s hanging on Steve’s every word and every move. Who is that guy? Wait. Oh, my gosh! That’s Simon Crosby! Well, that explains everything.

Anyway, I start to lose interest and look for an exit strategy. I see a break in the crowd and I make my move, doing my best to go unnoticed. No such luck. Steve sees me leaving and, fearing I wouldn’t be the last, he steps it up a notch. He’s jumping wildly now. Sweat is pouring off him and we’re all trying to dodge the shrapnel flying through air. I narrowly escape, but others aren’t so lucky. As I leave the scene behind me, I hear someone scream “My eye! My eye! It burns like fire!!” Poor girl didn’t stand a chance.

Now I really need a drink, so I’m back to my original mission and getting closer to the bar. Suddenly I notice the smell of roses and while searching for the source of this out-of-place aroma I notice an opening in the mob. Is that who I think it is? Could it be? Is it she? It is! Oh, happy day! It’s Susan Gudenkauf, VCP numero uno. Wherever she moves, like Moses parting the Red Sea, the mass of techno geeks step aside. I actually think she’s walking on water. Well, it could be a puddle of vodka. It’s hard to tell in the dark bar. But still, it’s pretty darn impressive! Uh, oh. She’s walking this way. What should I say? How’s my hair? Oh wait, I shave my head. Is it too shiny?

“Hi, Aaron,” she says.

OMG, she knows my name! Be cool. Just be cool. I respond.

"Hey.”

“I’d like to introduce you to my friend Doug,” she says.

What?! That’s it! I’m taking this stupid friggin’ purple shirt, setting it on fire, and throwing it in the dump! Okay, time to set things straight (no pun intended)….

"Um, I’m flattered, but, um, I’m married. To a woman. To an amazing, funny, beautiful woman.” I really hate to be blunt or rude, but I feel I need to make myself clear on this point.

Susan replies, “Yeeaaahhhh, how nice for you. I just thought you’d like to meet Doug Hazelman, the Director of Global Systems Engineering at Veeam. You probably know him as VMDoug on Twitter.”

Oh, crap. My heart sinks. That was bad on so many levels. Okay, no big deal, backpeddle backpeddle backpeddle. “Uh, I mean, uh.” Cough. Cough. “You see. Um.” Cough.

I finally just give in, “I don’t know how to recover from that.”